Dear BFF Peaches, Lulu, Mew Mew, Mat, Abbey, Annabelle, Ren, Bazinga, Ninja, Rosie, Scribble, Ming, and all my friends who I’ve missed so much this summer because ‘you know who’ wouldn’t let me work on the computer, and wouldn’t come home to play with us, and won’t give us treats, and hasn’t made any Encheesladas, and won’t let us in the kitchen, and has made this the least fun summer ever,
hmmm… well, I guess that pretty much covers it all.
Oh-and it rained a lot last week.
I hear you aren’t feeling well. I don’t want you to be sick because you are my brand new very best friend forever (not because you are so far, the only exceptional applicant for the assistant position). I really hope that you are feeling better this weekend. Make sure you eat a lot of Fish and Encheesladas (every 42 minutes) and get lots of lap time and rest. Last night I had snuggles on my mom’s I mean, ‘you know who’s’ lap after I heard about you having to go to the doctor. It did help me to feel a lot better-it always makes me feel better if I’m sick or worried and even if everything is just fine. I know it will help you.
I thought I’d update you on the interviewing. Boy, who ever knew that it would be so exhausting! I’m not having a lot of luck, either. I don’t know what to do about Zekey. He can’t even find his own food dish, but I know he’d like to have a job. Frannie doesn’t even want to be an assistant; Harri just talks all the time-“meow meow meow meowmeowmeow…” non-stop. It’s making me nuts! She’s even doing it now! I think Scrappy might be able to help a bit, but only part time since she’s semi-retired. For now, I’m very much behind on all of my work. I have another letter to you, and one to Tabatha and one to Lulu, and our house rules, and all sorts of other important things to do. Oh well.
Isn’t it funny that your house sounds a lot like mine? We have that bag hanging in the kitchen, too! Zorro uses it sometimes-he doesn’t really care for it but it helps, I suppose. The biggest difference between us is that you don’t have a silly doggie like ours. I’d send her to you but I don’t think she’d help you feel better; she would just drive everybody at your home crazy.
Well, it’s time for me to go. Zorro is trying to get the kitchen door open so that we can see if there are any treats for us. Life is a lot tougher since ‘you know who’ started to close off the kitchen. Anyway, please feel a lot better. Oh-and make sure you spend a lot of time in the sun. That always makes us all feel good here.
I am thinking about you a lot.
Your BFF, EVA!
Okay, this is my first interview so it’s going to have to be very professional. This is so exciting!
Thank you for responding to my ad for an assistant. It sounds like you are very nice and I bet you have lots of experience. I especially like your photograph. Like I said earlier, I almost thought it was a picture of me. How about that?!
Since you can’t be here in person for interviewing, here are some of the questions I told you I’d send:
1) So, what are some of the jobs you’ve had before and what is your favorite?
2) Can you type?
3) Do you have your own laptop?
4) What are your favorite snacks? Do you like Encheesladas?
5) What are your favorite places to sleep?
6) What would you do if a silly doggie came along and ate your snacks and ruined all of your work?
7) What are your pet peeves at home and at work?
8) It sounds like you have a really nice home right now, even though snack and lap- time are problems. Would it be difficult to make such a big change? Amber’s mom suggested that maybe you could be a virtual assistant. I don’t know what that is, but I’ll look it up and let you know what I find out.
Thank you again, and I very much look forward to hearing from you.
There. Let’s see what happens. I can hardly wait!
Dear Santy Claws,
I can hardly wait until you get here-this is so exciting! I have some snacks for you. Here are some Candy Corn and some of Remie’s kibble. Right now, Frannie is looking for a real live mouse-just for you! And you can take all of the Super Hot and Spicy Buffalo Wing Sauce if you’d like. If you get thirsty…
EVA: Huh? Santy? Is that you?! Oh-hi, Harri.
…anyway, if you get thirsty, you can use any of our water bowls.
I’ll wait up for you-we can have some Spaghetti together.
Deer Santy Claws:
I am a good cat. I try very hard to be a good cat.
Please bring me some prizes. I promise to share them with the others.
#1 I would like a new squeaky mousey-mouse-mouse (mine stopped making noises after Zorro put it in the water bowl). I would prefer not to have to share the new one with Zorro if that’s ok…
Some new toys that jingle and bounce all over the place like crazy…
A new bouncy ball. Mine is missing. I think the dog ate it…
#2 I would like some extra, brand-new lives. I think most of mine are gone, and I’d like to stay here with my new family for a very, very long time.
Can you bring Harri some new lives, too? I think she’s used up almost all of hers.
#3 I would like a heating pad to use on my back for when it hurts…
and some steps to get onto the bed…
and my own personal litter box and Litter Box Attendant…
#4 I would like to have all of the same food that ‘you-know-who’ gets to eat. Except for carrots and candy corn. Why can’t I have encheesladas and steak and spaghetti and yummy things like all the other people? It just doesn’t make sense!
On the same note; please do not bring me cat food.
#5 Please make sure there is a family for every lost kitty and puppy, and anyone else who needs somebody. It gets very cold and lonely and sad out there. I know this. I’m told we don’t have any more room here, but after number 6 we’ll have extra space (the new ones just have to bring their own food dishes).
#6 Please find a new home for Zeke. He is boring…
Please find a new home for Remie. She is very annoying (and remember, she ate my bouncy ball!). Oh-you may leave her bag of food here. I can take care of it…
And would you take the alarm clock away with you? It wakes us up every single morning. What’s up with that? It’s almost more annoying than Remie.
This is the first time you and I have met. I’ve never heard of you before. How come? Did you just move to the neighborhood? This is very exciting. You sound like you must be very nice. Do you have a cat? Is it a good cat?
I will leave you a special treat for when you stop by. I’m not sure yet what it will be. If you want, you can wake me up and we can have some lasagna together and play with my new toys. It’s the holidays and sharing is good.
Thank you and lots of purrs from me to you.
p.s. Would you please make sure everyone here understands that I am in charge? Sometimes they are confused and don’t believe me.